Hineni is here!
Hineni - הִנְנִי
Hineni - Rabbi Josh Warshawsky and the Chaverai Nevarech Band
The Definition of Imposter Syndrome
That is what Hineni is in its essence.
הִנְנִי הֶעָנִי מִמַּעַשׂ, נִרְעָשׁ וְנִפְחַד מִי מִי אֲנִי
"Here I am, lacking in merit, trembling and frightened - who, who am I??"
The Shaliach Tzibbur (prayer leader) recites these words right before they begin to lead the congregation in the Musaf (additional) prayers for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.
בָּאתִי לַעֲמֹד וּלְהִתְחַנֵּן לְפָנֶיךָ אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאֵינִי כְדַאי וְהָגוּן לְכַךְ
לָכֵן אֲבַקֵּשׁ מִמְּךָ אֲדוֹן הַמְּחִילָה, בּוֹחֵן לְבָבוֹת, שׁוֹמֵעַ תְּפִלָּה,
גּוֹלֶה עֲמֻקּוֹת, אָיֹם וְנוֹרָא שַׁדַי
"I have come to plead before you even though I am unfit and unworthy to do so. Therefore I request of you, Master of Forgiveness, Heart-Searcher, Prayer-Listener, Revealer of Deep Secrets, Awesome and Wondrous, ShaDaI..."
I'm not the right person for this task! I don't know how I was possibly chosen for this. And so I call out to God using these names of infinite openness, baring my soul with honesty and clarity. May I humbly ask:
הֱיֵה נָא מַצְלִיחַ דַּרְכִּי וְקַבֵּל תְּפִלָּתִי כִּתְפִלַּת צַדִּיק וְזַכַּאי
אִם קוֹל נָעִים וּפִרְקוֹ נָאֶה וּמְעוּרָב בְּדַעַת עִם כָּל הַבְּרִיּוֹת
אַל נָא תַּפְשִׁיעֵם בְּחַטֹּאתַי, וְאַל תְּחַיְּבֵם בַּעֲווֹנוֹתַי,
וְאַל יְהִי שׁוּם מִכְשׁוֹל בִּתְפִלָּתִי. כִּי חוֹטֵא וּפוֹשֵׁעַ אָנִי.
"May the path I embark on be successful. Accept my prayer like it is the prayer of the righteous and innocent. Accept it as though it is sung out in a sweet voice. Accept it as though it is prayed by someone whose life has been well spent, by someone who is deeply interconnected with the people and the world around them."
"Please, do not hold these people to blame for my sins. Do not find them guilty for my misdeeds. May there not be a stumbling in my prayer, for I am careless and have surely sinned."
Do you ever feel this way?
Today and tomorrow are Rosh Chodesh, and as we begin our approach to the High Holidays and enter this period of introspection, what would it look like for you to truly embody the person you hope to be? What steps can you take to be the best version of yourself this year, and how can we grow to accept ourselves even if we have fallen short?
I feel so grateful to have worked with the most incredible team to bring this music and video to life. Thank you especially to our Executive Producers, Marc and Susan Sacks, and our generous sponsors Congregation Beth Shalom in Northbrook, IL and Word: Bruce Geller Memorial Prize (Word is a program of American Jewish University’s Institute for Jewish Creativity. Word: Bruce Geller Memorial Prize is made possible by the late Jeanette Geller in memory of her husband Bruce)
None of this would be possible without the incredible team of dear friends I get to make this art with. Thank you to Jeremy Lawrence for the beautiful production and Dustin Warren for the gorgeous video. Thank you to Ayo Awosika for the heavenly vocal arrangements and Brock Pollock for the musical direction. And thank you to the whole Chaverai Nevarech Band for your music and your spirit: Coleen Dieker, Chava Mirel, Brock Pollock, Ayo Awosika, Duvid Swirsky, Lior Shragg, Deborah Sacks Mintz, Jackson Vance Mercer and Jenni Asher. More credits in video and on website.
I hope this offering of Hineni, the prayer of my heart, will accompany you this month and beyond as we return to our roots and begin again. What emotions, memories, insights, and experiences does it bring up for you? I'd love to be in conversation with you.
Chodesh tov,
Josh
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